Mathematics

I used to wonder how people in investment banking could work 100+ hrs a week. I think I kinda understand now.

Recently, my schedule has readjusted to include a disproportionally amount of time for mathematics. When I was J1, I grew tired of maths and maths olympiads and all that shit, and I swore that I would never major in mathematics in uni.

However, after coming to Chicago, I fell in love with the mathematics they were teaching. For the past 3 days [ note friday, saturday and sunday ] , I had been having 4 hours sleep per night just trying to finish my mathematics homework (I didn't really manage to finish it and left out 30% undone when I handed in today). Don't even start about social life. Amazingly, however, I am rather enjoying myself. I get an adrenaline rush each time I finish a mathematics problem which would spur me on to the next question. This sort of things does not happen for my humanities class on Greek, thought and literature. In fact, the opposite happens. Every chapter of the Iliad I finish reading, the more my body feels like sleeping. I guess the state of my mathematics class can be summed up by what someone commented to me, "In this class, you have to be active and talk with people otherwise it's difficult to make friends. You know, mathematicians...."

In fact, now thinking back about the past 3 days, I believe that my passion in mathematics has been ignited, that even though I know that learning so deep mathematics is kinda useless in the things I plan to do in future, it just feels fun and interesting to learn new things, things which I never knew existed. To be a bit cliche, it's like, the more I learn, the stupider I feel.

So what do I do if I'm interested in Economics and Physics? I do what a lot of other Asians would do, double major. Now, throw in a mathematics. Triple major?

It's not as bad as it might sound. In U of C we have 15 core modules, 12 major modules and 15 electives, which are anything you like. By fitting the different major modules into the electives, it is actually possible to do all 3 majors without taking extra modules, simply because a lot of the modules required for the major requirements overlap.

An Ambiguous Comment?

In response to his daughter's comments on her 'private' blog (I didn't know blogspot blogs had a private function), Ang Mo Kio Grc MP Wee Siew Kim said that 'Some people cannot take the brutal truth and that sort of language, so she (Shu Min) ought to learn from it.' (Straits Times, 24 Oct 2006)

First, I have to say that I have no idea if he has been misquoted by the Straits Times. Certainly the rest of his statement does not show him portraying himself in some sort of elitist light. Secondly, it could be possible that he is actually referring to his daughter being the one who is unable to 'take the brutal truth and that sort of language'. Possible, but not plausible.

What would the brutal truth be here? That in Singapore (as with in most other places, maybe even the whole world) the rich get richer, while the poor and average usually get stuck around that standard for most of their lives? That ALL Singaporeans ARE given the opportunity to succeed in life, but good financial backgrounds and intellect will always have an important role to play? That since Singaporeans are not denied an education, sent for child prostitution etc., those without the additional benefits of coming from a rich family and having a high IQ should strive their hardest to become one of the rich elite should they wish to do so, which upon doing they will be lauded because such an accomplishment is really hard to achieve, instead of venting their frustrations on a 'private' blog where their views can be met with harsh criticism on another 'private' blog?

Perhaps the brutal truth is that Miss Wee and her father are expected to succeed in life. If they don't, they are seen as substandard. If they do, they will just be praised superficially because people just don't expect any less from them. I announced to the opponents in a 3v5 DOTA game today (me on the 3 side with 2 leavers) that if we lost, there would be no shame in losing, but if we won, the glory would be all ours because the odds were against us. I think they squelched me after that because I told them the brutal truth, one that they cannot handle (no, I didn't chase them off with my language, unless the use of proper English on Battlenet has become vulgar without my knowledge; neither did I fling insults at them, or even imply that they were noob).

So it could be possible that Mr Wee was telling his daughter that this was the brutal truth. That no matter what, in the end, if Derek Wee manages to climb up into their elitist society, the glory will be all his, while if he doesn't noone will fault him? That she shouldn't use 'that sort of language' should she be unable to handle the repercussions? Maybe he will clarify this soon, but I seriously doubt it.

Just as an aside point, Mr Wee's view that 'she wrote in a private blog and I feel that her privacy has been violated. After all, they were the rantings of an 18-year-old among friends.' is rather bizarre to me. From one of Shu Min's posts on her class website (link not going to be provided because people will always find something to say about RJC students and I don't feel like adding to this by providing fodder), she obviously knows of Live Journal, which allows for locked posts that only selected people can view. And while it is understandable that previously, only her friends knew of the website, all it takes is for one person to share it with an outsider who doesn't agree with her opinions and the whole of Singapore (well, at least those with an internet connection...) will be invited to view the post of an uncaring elitist who is incapable of feeling sympathy for someone less fortunate than herself.

o.O. Doesn't that mean that it is highly likely that a fellow Rafflesian actually leaked out Shu Min's post? Taking it in the light that it is possible (even plausible) that this Rafflesian (if it is one after all) leaked it because he/she didn't approve of what Shu Min wrote, perhaps people will stop saying that birds of a Rafflesian feather flock together.

Why People Lie to You

Someone once said that he didn't understand why people lied to him. I don't know if the statement was directed to me, or to someone else, or if it was the '=(' at the end of the statement that he wished to emphasize. I can only think of 2 general reasons why people would lie to you.

1. They don't want to hurt your feelings.

Under this category comes fake orgasms, and parents shielding (or trying to shield) their kids from reality e.g. telling their children Grandpa went for a long vacation instead of telling them he's passed on.

2. They don't want you to think less of them.

Most people who lie to you probably fall into this category. Let's face it. The world out there is a harsh one. People don't normally do things if it doesn't benefit them somehow. The people who lie to you because of reason 1 do benefit somewhat, but they do believe you too somehow benefit from it. People who lie to you for reason 2 do it solely for their own gain.

Example 1: "It's because I'm concerned about ___ that's why I was digging for information."

If this person actually said that he/she tried to find out something because he/she was just being a busybody, or he/she just wanted to prove that his/her hunch was right in the first place (especially after being told that he/she was wrong), you'd probably think less of this person. However, when this action was apparently carried out in an altruistic spirit, not only would this not belittle the person in your eyes, it might actually make you feel guilty about even entertaining thoughts on how this person may be overstepping his/her boundaries in his/her quest for the truth.

Example 2: "And no, I dont think i'll be playing bridge with __ anytime in the near or distant future. Or maybe even anyone else for that matter."

Sound familiar, Puffy? It was true when I said that (with the exception of Interclub which I had already paid for) ok! =P

Well, my actions didn't really betray my statement (I actually stopped playing bridge regularly for a couple of months), but let's say I did play. Bridge has to be played with partners, so it could have just been a polite refusal to play bridge with you. What would I have gained from this? If I wanted to retain you as a friend, and yet not play bridge with you (for whatever reasons), I'd tell you this, so you'd not really have a reason to be unhappy that I didn't play with you, and above all, I said that the reason was me, not you.

Let's say this statement was made to a semi-fixed partner, or a regular partner after the partnership ended. It would thus serve to indicate that the loss of this partner has either stranded this person without a partner, or made the person uninclined to find a new partner, i.e. the person who made that statement is portraying him/herself as the victim, and could possibly be garnering for sympathy or inducing guilt.

Example 3: "We are going to Jurong. We are going to Suntec. We are going to Hougang." (Both people then walk off really quickly).

These people want to be left alone but are somehow unable to tell you so. They probably think that telling you outright is impolite, so they lie to you instead. It is also possible that they think you would think less of them should they make up an excuse such as "We have to go to some choir meeting in NUS." which would get you to stop asking them if they want a lift. Although this is an extreme example, this happens quite alot with people who feel they will be happier without your presence, but don't want to tell you outright because it may show that they are incapable of tolerating your presence. There is only a fine line between people who lie for this reason and people who lie for reason 1; the main difference is that people who lie to you for reason 1 are geniunely concerned about you, and people who lie to you for reason 2 are concerned mainly for themselves.

So, if you're ever upset that someone has lied to you, just remember. They are either thinking of you, in which case you should be grateful someone actually does (even if the lie didn't help matters), or they are just selfish people thinking about themselves, in which case you should be happy that you caught them in the lie and can see them for who they really are.

And There Goes GEP

GEP has been scrapped. Goodness knows since when. I obviously don't read the papers =D. In fact, I found out from this from Malcolm who found out from a blog. Licai reads the papers and he knew but he didn't bother to tell me.

THEY TOOK AWAY MY GEP SHELTER!!!! NOOOOO!!! BRING IT BACK!!!!

Wait... It's been gone for almost 10 years now. Hmm... Has it? Did I ever think of it as my shelter? Did I ever subconsiously think it was my shelter? Did I ever use it as a shield to defend myself from the harsh reality out there, consciously or not?

Seriously doubt that, but I shall continue to use my place in that programme shamelessly in resumes, just as I shall use the name Raffles if I feel it can land me a job.

After all, there HAS to be SOME benefit in being labelled as such, with the the public always having something negative to say about us. Just look at this post for the latest gossip about my beloved RJC. Girl was from GEP too, and my secondary school to boot!

To feel embarrassment or indignance? Nah... Neither... Too used to people from my school being shot down by others because of their actions. Always has been, always will be. Definitely not on her side, but hey, I've got enough little kids with elitist ideas bothering me already.

Oh and if any of you decided the answer to my question in my previous post (the one in the 2nd last paragraph) was yes, Ernie wants you to know she is laughing at you; if you thought the answer was yes, Ernie is merely giggling at you. I have told her many times that she should not laugh (publically) at people, but I have to stop her from laughing constantly (and spawning 8 cards of Clubs in my hand when I cannot declare a makeable Club game or slam contract with them), and she has agreed to this compromise.

A thoughtful rebuttal

'Excuse my asking, is it painful being ugly?'
'I've never really thought about it, I suppose it's a little painful. How do you feel about it being ugly yourself?'

Shelly's Thoughts on Claiming that One is Intelligent

The title of my post was supposed to tie in with the titles of the two posts below (Puffy's and Wally's Thoughts on Relationships) but Puffy spoiled my plan and removed his post.

Ernie: STUPID PUFFY!

I am writing this post because I am sick and tired of someone who keeps repeating things to me like 'you say you are so smart', and 'you claim you are so smart' and well, permutations of that kinda stuff. For the record, I never actually proclaimed to this person that I was smart. And no, unlike that person, I didn't announce my IQ over Friendster (or any place on the net for that matter). I can't. I don't know what it is =P.

What I did say, however, was that I thought I was smarter than him. Which obviously shifted to I KNOW I am smarter (c'mon, if you keep using the word smart when there are so many synonyms for it.... eek did I just say I said someone was less intelligent than me because of his insistence on using ONE word and only that word in his statements... me, with my admittedly small vocabulary? I... ahhh... blame... PMS!). Malcolm said I was like blatantly insulting that guy by saying that I never said I wasn't very smart, but yet saying I was smarter than him (repetitive use of word 'smart' here because it was the word used then). Eh no, that was never my intention. Hmm... maybe it was during an argument that this 'smarter than you' nonsense first appeared. Hmm... but that guy said, 'People dont mean the things they say when they see red' in an email to me (ya when I am apparently ignoring him on MSN he will take time off his busy schedule to write me an nice long email which Puffy has read in more detail than I have =X), so then, why DOES it affect this guy so much that I keep getting 'you claim you are smarter than me' thrown into my face. Because I'm so obviously wrong and this guy would like to keep rubbing it in? (Not working lalala). Actually, I have no idea >.<.

Being who I am, and having the experiences I've had, I seriously don't see IQ tests as a definitive way of actually measuring a person's intellect level. Jason Lee had this to say about Mensa people.

Jason says:
last time when i did sailling in SAJC.
Jason says:
the boat admin people complained once they rented boats to mensa
Jason says:
and they totally fucked up the rope system
Jason says:
thought they were too smart and didn't need to learn properly
Jason says:
their boat couldn't move
Jason says:
and they had to cut some ropes cos they use dead knots all over the place

Which says that Mensa people (i.e. those tested with high IQs) are either
1. Not really very intelligent
2. Have no idea how to use their intelligence
3. Know how to use their intelligence, but refuse to use it nevertheless (which I feel is rather dumb in itself, but that's just my opinion).

It could be some bizarre combination of the 3 too. Goodness knows. Maybe someone from Mensa can enlighten me?

Licai said one of his ex-classmates tested as having an IQ of 200. The guy behind the girl with the yellow ribbon (see post) was tested as having an IQ of 190. My 1.8+m tall JC classmate has an IQ that is more than his height in cm. And while I can say that the latter 2 are, indeed, smart (can't say for the first guy simply because I don't know him), they never had to take an IQ test for me to ever feel so. They just impressed the idea on me by what they did (read post in link above to gain an idea of how to use your IQ to get you out of disciplinary action by the principal).

There's also the possibility that I simply cannot feel that the guy who I claim to be smarter than is smart, because I have been surrounded by these people for years, and hence people with lower IQs just don't seem intelligent enough to me. POSSIBILITY. Being in Raffles isn't all that some make it out to be (think - overrated. Taking cover before the other 2 co-bloggers come after me >.<). Yup, maybe my judgement has been clouded by all these high flyers floating around next to me. But still, I maintain, it's your actions, and how you react to situations, not how you do on tests/exams/etc that really show if you're intelligent or not.

So back to that guy whom I claim to be smarter than. Why did I ever make such a claim? His tested IQ of 180 (+?) doesn't affect me in the least. His ability to tone it down to 160 due to ageing, lack of sleep etc also doesn't impress me. The fact that he announced your IQ on friendster and said he's proud of it makes me wonder why heeven have to tell anyone what your IQ is; can't people already see you're smart? (No, the GEP thing in my friendster is for me to find my secondary school/JC friends, not for me to proclaim my intelligence. Yes, I have found several through that, and friends have found me too.) I always say I judge from what I see, and so far, he's done nothing particularly intelligent infront of me.

So exactly why do I feel I am smarter than him? No, it's not because I'm from GEP and he isn't. No, it's not because I could get into all those Raffles schools and he couldn't. These mean nothing to me in terms of intellect level. Maybe it because I don't need my partner to rebid spades in order to know that he has 6 (not 5) of them, especially when table has 4, I have shown partner that I have 2 spades, and yet partner refuses to cash the K of spades after leading the Ace. Perhaps it's the fact that (in someone else's words) he appears to be committing social suicide, which may be to some more an EQ thing and an IQ thing, but surely, intelligent people would realise when toning down would be a better (more socially acceptable?) option.

Maybe it's all a facade. He's could actually be potraying himself this way to the world because he thinks it's amusing, and he's secretly laughing at all of us for reacting the way we do towards him. As he's very much entitled to that, I thus feel I have to right to say that I'm smarter than him, judging from what I see. Not sure why he keeps reminding me of that I said that though. That's really the part that puzzles me. So that at the end of his long drawn out play he can ambush me and say 'I tried to warn you! I repeated that statement to you 1 million times!' o.O. I really have no clue.

Secretly, deep down inside, could it be possible that despite what I have said, I actually hold this guy in high esteem, and think he is truly brilliant, much more than myself?

.
.
.

Ernie, if you don't stop giggling this instant I won't let you watch Ally again.

Bridge Blogs and Turkish Tournaments

I have just received a bizarre private message from someone who said that my most recent bridge post, 'Honours for Opponent', is 'weird'. I don't know why he thinks it's weird. At least one other person thinks it's amusing. I suppose it's the way I described the play. Not very informative, doesn't give many clues to the reader on how the play should have been. But the thing about the post is that it isn't about the play. It isn't even for the dissection of the play or the bidding. None of my posts about bridge are, and possibly will never be. I blog for amusement. To amuse myself, and possibly (hopefully? haha) others. I'm sure that partner of mine would like others to know he does preempt with SOME quality =D.

Why this blog will (probably) never have a post purely on bridge play/bidding by me

1. This is not a bridge blog. If you want to read a bridge blog, go google for one, or read Jinzhou's bridge blog, or my Honourless Bridge Partner's blog (*gigglez* yes I HAD to do that hahaha).

2. This is not my blog, so it is not my decision as to whether it will turn into a bridge blog.

3. When I was given the access to post on this blog, the owner did not ask me to write bridge posts, or indicate that all posts I write on bridge had to be proper bridge posts as befitting a bridge blog.

So there. Like my DOTA posts, my bridge posts are not so much about the play or the bidding, but rather, amusing incidents that occur during the game that I feel like writing about. Like DOTA, bridge is a game, and many many times, people have reminded me so. And games are meant to be enjoyed. Yes, you can improve at them (which I certainly hope to do), but they are GAMES. Interesting incidents that occur during games just add to the fun. And I certainly like being amused.

A minor thing of interest concerning bridge. Ever since I've started to randomly partner Mr Yeo for bridge once again, the number of people asking me to play bridge with them has decreased sharply. Mr Yeo said he has noticed the same thing happening to him too. We have no idea why.

On to those Turkish Tournaments. Gideon (yes the owner of this blog) keeps signing me up for them on BBO. Why, I don't really know. I'll ask him again later. Ok fine, he's only signed me up for 2 so far. But why Turkish? The first time we signed up, he was like 'Quick! Change your country to Turkey!' I'm like ???!!!, but I complied. So we went in, and obviously, none of the announcements were in English. I started to panic because neither of us could understand the annoucements, and I was starting to worry about knowing what the opponents were talking about. Gideon nicely suggested that if they talked in Turkish or Malay or whatever language that was, we should speak to each other in Chinese. Very funny, Gideon. And let them know we are actually not from Turkey? (Yes yes we could be Chinese immigrants to the country......)

It didn't even bother Gideon that one time when we were at a normal table in BBO, the opponent bid the suit he bid, which we would normally take as a Michael's cuebid, except that he didn't alert it. So I clicked on it, and he alerted it as 'quebit'. I didn't know what that meant, and neither did Gideon. He suggested that it may mean majors in Turkish or whatever language that guy spoke. On second inspection of the word, I realised it looked a little like quiet, so I started to wonder if that opponent was asking us to shut up. So I went on the net, and tried to get 'quebit' translated. Unsuccessful in Turkish, Italian, French and Spanish. But the opponent did mean Michael's by his bid. However, he wasn't that polite an opponent, and neither was his partner, and I started to get the idea that he was scolding us. In the end, it turns out that he was trying to say 'cue bid' in some Spanglish sort of way or something like that. Bleah.

So yeah, after greeting the opponents at our first table hi/hello, and being greeted 'slm', I suggested to Gideon that we should, in order not to blow our cover, greet them the same way too. We did that for all the subsequent tables for that tournament. Then, in the middle of the tournament, we got an opponent who wasn't from Turkey, so I asked Gideon why that guy/girl was allowed into the tournament. I suggested that maybe people from Muslim countries were allowed, since they could probably understand the announcement/opponents/partner. Then we got some Swedish opponent, and another one from some European country, and I was wondering why I was even asked to change my country in the first place. >.<

The first tournament went by rather uneventfully, except for all the masquarading. When we signed up for the 2nd tournament, we both left our countries as they were. But Gideon being Gideon, went in and greeted the opps 'slm' anyway. I have learnt during that 2nd tournament that making a takeout double after opponent's level 2 prempt after Gideon has passed with only 10 points, even with a singleton in opponents suit and a 6-loser hand, is not a good idea *gigglez*. The opponents were very nice and didn't double our 3NT holding a 10 card fit with the KQJ in the preempted suit. Oh yes and Gideon had more points than me hahaha. And then, Gideon says he has to go help someone with her homework before accompanying paw2 to go shopping for her chair. Chairs are very important ok. I think I need a new one too I don't know why mine looks like that. I think it's too hot in my room or something and it had to burst. Bah. So when he asked if it was ok if Rain substituted him in the tournament, I said ya sure, if Rain is ok with it then everything's fine =). So he calls the director to the table, and after 5 minutes, I get kicked out of the tournament, and a stranger is substituting me. Subsequent attempts to get me back into the tournament fail. The box kept appearing to ask if I'd like to be a substitute, and I'd keep clicking yes, but it would keep saying unsuccessful. Gideon quit anyway because goodness know which paw was waiting he didn't want to play with a stranger.

Gideon, I suggest you take up Turkish if the University of Chicago will let you. Just one module will do. So you can at least communicate with the Tournament Director for the next Turkish Tournament you sign us up for.

Honours for Opponent

I would not have written this post with the exception that the partner who is mentioned in 'Honours for Partner' was also my partner for this hand, and he very happily pointed out opponent's hand to me after the session was over.

On this particular hand, in 3rd seat, I decided to preempt 2H with 13 points because my partner had passed and 3/13 of my points was the singleton K of Clubs. My LHO passed, my partner passed, and my RHO decided to make a takeout double. My LHO stared at her cards, and asked my partner, 'What happens if I pass. Will you pass too?' My partner decided to be nice and said, 'That's probably a takeout double, but I can choose not to pass it.' So the LHO bid 2NT. Partner passes, RHO bids 3D. I pass, RHO stares at her cards again, and bids 3NT.

At that point of time I was thinking 'Thank goodness I didn't open. The opps obviously have game points and we are vulnerable. Now declarer will hopefully finesse my partner for all the honours I supposedly don't have thanks to my preempt.'

Then my RHO bids 4D! I looked at my Q10x diamonds, and was like 'good good finesse wrong side for the Q!' My RHO was probably thinking, 'What? Take me out of my game? Then I put you in YOURS!' when she bid 5D (Goodness knows. I'd probably be thinking the same thing too.) My partner then stares at his hand for a really really long time before pulling out the double.

I led the singleton KC, because I didn't want to lead from the KJxxxx hearts, lead the Ace spade or underlead it, and I obviously couldn't lead diamonds. Dummy comes down with the singleton K diamond, AQ10xxx hearts, xxx clubs and Jxxx spades. (Hee hee so much for 2HXC. But apparently someone made 2H in the traveller hmmmmm...) Declarer won the KC with his Ace, and proceeded to play a small diamond towards the K on the table. I played small, and my partner won with the Ace. He then returned me a club, on which declarer played the Q and I ruffed with the 10 of diamonds. Since the contract was already down (master trump in my hand), I played the largest of my heart non-honours, hoping partner could ruff. Declarer played the Ace from table, and discarded something which eludes me from his hand (probably spade). He then played a small heart from table on which my partner discards something that I also cannot remember (haha so much for paying attention to discards), and declarer ruffs and wins. He then plays a small spade out to the table. Having absolutely no clue what was going on, I won it with the Ace and played the K of hearts. Partner discards, declarer ruffs, and plays back a spade, which my partner wins with the K.

Yes, there are probably a million and 1 play mistakes by me here. This usually happens because I suck at bridge when I have no idea what is going on. At that point in time I was seriously wondering where all the declarer's points were, with him repeating his diamonds 2x and not being able to ruff anything other than hearts. Maybe I should have been wondering why he didn't draw more than 1 round of trumps. (I wish my partner did though heehee.)

After coming in with the K of spades, my partner started cashing his club winners, with me discarding first a spade and then hearts. Finally, when declarer's club was larger than his, I decided not to ruff because mine was the master trump after all. I'm not sure what the declarer was thinking, but when he tried to cash another club, my partner ruffed with the 9 of diamonds. Then totally, utterly, confused, he played the Jack of diamonds, and was shocked by it clashing with my Queen of diamonds. Heehee. So instead of 1400 which we would have gotten if he had played a spade instead, we got 1100, which I have no complaints about *gigglez*.

So after the session was over, my partner said that it didn't occur to him that I wasn't ruffing because I held the master trump in my hand. Because he held AJ9 of trumps, and since the K was on table, and I had shown up with the 10 already, declarer couldn't possibly have rebidded his diamonds 2x holding 8 as his highest diamond card. He then proudly proclaimed that despite his lack of honours in suits introduced at ridiculously high levels/preempted, he always has at least the 9.

I bet that declarer wished he had me as his partner, with honours of partner's bid suit always spawning in my hand. However, it is possible that you need at least the 9 in your bid suit for that to occur >.<.

细水长流

年少时候谁没有梦
无意之中你将心愿透露
就在你生日的时候我将小小口琴送
最难忘记你的笑容

友情的细水慢慢流流进了你我的心中
曾在球场边为你欢呼你跌伤我背负
夜里流星飞渡想象着他日的路途
晚风听着我们壮志无数

年少时候谁没有愁
满腔愤慨唯有你能听得懂
每当我失意的时候你将那首歌吹奏
琴声悠悠解我情愁

岁月的细水慢慢流流到了别离的时候
轻拍你的肩听我说朋友不要太惆怅
霓虹纵然再嚣张我们的步履有方向
成败不论切莫将昔日遗忘

多年以后又再相逢
我们都有了疲倦的笑容
问一声我的朋友何时再为我吹奏
是否依旧是否依旧
岁月的细水慢慢流流到了别离的时候
轻拍你的肩听我说朋友不要太惆怅
霓虹纵然再嚣张我们的步履有方向
成败不论切莫将昔日遗忘
多年以后又再相逢
我们都有了疲倦的笑容
问一声我的朋友何时再为我吹奏
是否依旧是否依旧
人生的际遇千百种但有知心长相重
人愿长久水愿长流年少时候

后来

后来-刘若英

后来我总算学会了如何去爱
可惜你早已远去消失在人海
后来终于在眼泪中明白
有些人一旦错过就不再

桅子花白花瓣落在我蓝色百褶裙上
「爱你」你轻声说
我低下头闻见一阵芬芳
那个永恒的夜晚十七岁仲夏你吻我的那个夜晚
让我往后的时光每当有感叹
总想起当天的星光

那时候的爱情为什么就能那样简单
而又是为什么人年少时
一定要让深爱的人受伤
在这相似的深夜里你是否一样也在静静追悔感伤
如果当时我们能不那么倔强
现在也不那么遗憾

你都如何回忆我带着笑或是很沉默
这些年来有没有人能让你不寂寞

永远不会再重来
有一个男孩爱着那个女孩

Rafflesian Discipline

Having spent 6 years (thankfully not 12 *gigglez*) of my education in Rafflesian schools, I have to say that the discilplinary system in RGS (Secondary) and RJC is worlds apart. In RGS, both the teachers and the prefects had a great deal of interest in the discipline of the students, especially the prefects. Probably to the best of our interests, of course, since that was the age in which most teenaged girls would choose to rebel. In RJC, the councillors either had no say in the disciplinary affairs of the student population, or chose not to exert that authority. The teachers in general didn't care much, with the exception of the PE teachers, and up till now, I still have no idea why this is the case.

I remember being peeved in secondary school at the stringent rules imposed. Yes, I realise that RGS doesn't have the strictest rules in all secondary school around Singapore. Nanyang and RVHS apparently had rules such that girls actually joined dance just so they could keep long hair. But since people hardly ever treasure what they have, I was rather irritated at guys being able to wear whatever coloured sports shoes they wished to school, while we in RGS had to stick to only white coloured sports shoes (if we chose to wear sports shoes that is), with restrictions on size and number of coloured logos on these shoes, leaving a rather limited choice of sports shoes that we could wear. It didn't help that my parents for obscure reasons refused to buy any sports shoes that had cloth as part of the outer covering for me (they insisted the shoes would tear), hence I was effectively forced to wear those uncomfortable canvas shoes (usually 1-2 sizes too big because my mother wanted them to last) for 4 years.

The prefects in RGS were downright freaky. I remember being in the only GEP class in secondary 2 to have no prefects in the class. 1 of the other 2 classes had 10 or 11 (or some obscenely huge number, given that there were only about 30 people in each class). The girls from that class used to complain that they couldn't even sneak a sweet into their mouths without getting caught, and remaining in PE attire to cool off after PE was totally out of the question. I guess the rebellious nature of girls going through puberty was really prominent in that year, with my class having the most disciplinary problems that year and being the class most disliked (out of the 3) by the teachers.

I quite believe the prefects in RGS are required to carry rulers around in the pockets to aid in their law enforcement. They used it to measure everything from the length one's skirt was above one's knee, to the diameter of one's earrings (ehhh small hoops are near impossible to close, especially when in my ear). I am still not clear as to how I mananged to survive having a total of 5 earholes in secondary school; possibly I made full use of the 'don't book the sec 4s so it won't affect their O levels' unwritten law (Shelly = Delinquent).

Teens always find a way to rebel. Just before I entered RGS, there used to be a puffy uniform trend, where students would puff out the part of the uniforms above their belts until the skirt bits became really short and their belts couldn't be seen. To counter this, a rule was made such that belts had to be visible. Thus started the loose belt trend, where RGS girls would walk around (usually after school hours in Orchard and places like that) looking rather pregnant with belts that seemed to serve no purpose other than to be seen. There was also some new rule about how belts had to be sewn on to the pinafores, possibly to counter girls who decided to look totally pregnant and remove their belts completely upon leaving the school, but I think that was rather a convent school trend rather than an RGS one (no offence intended to any IJ girls, especially since I was one for 6 years). So then came the rule where belts were to be no looser than 2 fingers width. So came the safety pin trend, where belt looseness was increased out of school grounds with the aid of nappy fasteners.

When I was in Secondary 4, RGS decided to impose some bizarre rule, saying that students were not allowed to loiter around in Orchard Road (not sure if it was specifically Orchard or any public area) after school in their school uniform. Lunch and short shopping trips were allowed, but we were just not allowed to sit around in fast food restaurants or go for prolonged shopping trips in school uniform. I had no idea why this rule suddenly came about, but it was vaguely suspicious that the rule was only implemented after some teacher's daughter graduated from RGS (is probably a total coincidence but little kids like to blame others for everything heehee). Possibly, it was because of numerous complaints from the public in that year about the behaviour of RGS girls. Apparently, someone saw girls in RGS uniform smoking at the Far East bus stop. They were, however, thought to have been likely to have borrowed RGS uniforms from some ex-RGS girl during the first 3 months of JC. Then came the case of the RGS girl who was seen trying very hard, despite his ardent protests, to get fresh with some ACS guy in Bishan. The way they announced this to us was to call all the students who took 3rd language on a certain day to stay back after assembly, and all I could think of was 'Oh CRAP! They've discovered my once a month attendence!'.

And then came jaywalking across the road directly outside the backgate as a bookable offence. I think this came about from complaints by the traffic police, but I really can't remember. I THINK that under Singapore law, it is only considered jaywalking if you cross the road within a certain distance (100m? have no idea) from a designated crossing. The nearest designated crossing from the point I normally 'jaywalked' from was more than 100m away, hence I had never really considered that jaywalking; it is also a detour from the 'jaywalking route' to the bus stop. Hence, one day in Secondary 4, after having stayed back in school, my friend and I decided to take the shortest route to the bus stop. To our horror, we discovered a prefect at the bus stop, who walked over all ready to book us. (What was she doing there! Aren't all prefects supposed to be guai and home straight after school mugging for their O levels??!!) Fortunately, 132 came, and since the waiting time for 132 was rather long, the prefect looked like she was torn between wanting to book us and going home ASAP. (See! They all want to go home and mug! =P). To make life easier for her, we decided to pretend to queue to get on the bus, and when she was safely on it, we moved off and waited for the next bus. However, the next day, this prefect tracked me down and told me she had booked me for the offence. I was like ok, suay, met her in school, nothing I could do about it. Then she says 'Please tell Shi'an I booked her too.' I was like 'Erm ok. How do you know her name?' She said 'Oh I booked her in Sec 1.' Poor Shi'an.

So then, upon entering RJC, I was really happy that not only were the rules more relaxed, there were no more student disciplinary authorities around. The one most important thing that I really don't regret about going to RJC is that the teachers basically believe that all their students will do well in the end, and hence don't really push hard for you to get results from year 1. I guess after 16 years of being strictly watched over by my parents and teachers I was really sick of having people force me to do my work when I knew I'd eventually do it, and would probably do it sooner (and better) if I wasn't made to.

But even with the less stringent rules, students will always choose to do whatever they wish, especially with the relaxed law enforcement. Allowed to wear predominantly black or white sports shoes? Someone turned up in yellow ones (not me!). Allowed to wear green, black, white, blue and/or brown hair accessories (black was only allowed in RGS)? Someone will turn up with a yellow ribbon (ehhhh yellow IS my favourite colour ok!).

An interesting yellow ribbon story (nothing to do with prison or second chances). One day during assembly, while announcements were being made, the principal suddenly interrupted by pointing to a random person in the crowd, and asking him to stand still and behave himself. Shortly after, he took the mike again, and berated the same guy for moving around. Finally, when the student's insolent behavoiur continued, the principal couldn't stand it any longer. He scolded the student for his actions, got even more incensed when the student smiled at him (or continued smiling or something like that), refusing to show any signs of remorse, and ordered the student to come up front immediately. I'm not clear if that student knew he was the one being indicated by the principal from the start and was just pretending not to notice, or if he really didn't know (it was 7+am in the morning - he could have well been dreaming). Anyway when he refused to go up on first request, the principal said 'You! The one behind the girl with the yellow ribbon!', which left no confusion as to who he was referring to. I was bugged the whole day with questions like 'What was the guy behind you doing?' Eh. He's the one BEHIND the girl with the yellow ribbon ok. Anyway my class tutor finally decided to stop me from wearing yellow hair accessories (which I resumed after approximately 1 week). As for that guy, he actually got away without any punishment at all. Apparently, he told the principal that people should all have a cheerful demeanour in the morning, and embellished it with some other fancy ideas. Yes, he is a lawyer now.

All in all, my 2 years in JC were probably the best I ever had as a student, with possibly the exception of the first week where the elitists in my orientation group drove me to tears. It was probably the first time in my life that I was given enough freedom such that I actually had the motivation to do something about my grades (who wants to study when someone else makes them bleah). In that respect, I'm glad I didn't go to some other top JC where students are pushed to study really hard since year 1, and aren't allowed to take S papers due to their Promo grades (yes, really thankful for that =X).

But after all that, I guess I still haven't rebelled enough in my teenaged years to satisfy my delinquent nature, and hence, I now wander around Singapore streets in the middle of the night with my neighbour (who also spent 6 years in Rafflesian schools). Something to do with the structure of Rafflesian discipline? Probably so =D.

University Life

In a recent informal survey published by a Harvard student, she ranked undergraduate colleges according to how much social life was in the college. U of C, not surprisingly came on #331. Now, what was the reaction of U of C students? They printed a T-shirt saying 'Ranked 331 and proud of it'. I still see remnants of this when I look around and see T-shirts saying 'U of C, where fun comes to die'.

Now, U of C, I must admit, has changed my study habits drastically. Just as recent as this year, my daily schedule would be wake up at 1 pm, play WoW, play Dota, play bridge, chat/argue with paw1, sleep at 5-6 am, rinse-repeat. Even in JC, I do not remember ever studying beyond 10pm. Late nights + dreamy(panda) eyes inevitably came from my insatiable urge to play bridge late into the night. In fact, after I came back from Taiwan in J2, I went through this phase where I just did not feel like studying at all( and did not ). This coincided nicely with my J2 prelims and it cumulated to not knowing that my chemistry essay paper was the next day until that day itself.

Before I came to US, I deliberately did not install WoW or FT on my laptop, and I believe that this was a wise choice. The academic culture here is so, to use a Singaporean term, muggerish. This week is the 3rd week of term and I already will have 2 exams and 1 more next week.
There are study breaks planned practically every day at our house lounge.
In fact, in the past week, I found myself sleeping at close to 3am every night(which explains my lack of entries here =X). That is not to say, I hate it here.

On the countary, I seem to have rediscovered the passion I once had for learning and studying, something which I appeared to have lost in the past year. The libraries here are huge, so huge that it is easy to get lost in any one of them. Furthermore, book loans are on a quarterly basis, meaning we can borrrow them for up to 3 months. From a time when I thought that I had nothing else to do other than work for the next epic item or level up my character, I seemed to have progressed to a state where I find myself not having enough time to study as much as I would like to.

I believe that other than academics, university life is about personal growth and development, experiencing things which you would not be able to experience by studying alone. It is actually one big life skills lesson, where you learn what kind of friends can be trusted, learn about office politics, and most importantly experience new things.

What new experiences have I had so far? I believe the most significant one is probably late night studying in a study room with paw2 and paw3 and once in a while tail1. Furthermore, in a coed dorm, it is quite common for me to go to say paw3's room and spend the whole day there, watching movies/studying/chatting all in the context of a platonic relationship. I once asked my Singaporean friend, what do girls do when they go to guy's room at night. 'To have sex!'. Perhaps that is true in Singapore, but not so in here. I mean, they do have the sex part of course once in a while and it is widely condoned(actually I think it happens much more than I think it does); but on the other hand, there are so many other reasons to spend a day together in the same room.

Perhaps the first life skill I have developed here is the ability to behave more confidently in front of members of the opposite sex. (To those who don't know, if I stammer when I first talk to you, it probably means I have a crush on you). In fact, in JC, I used to have problems maintaining a decent conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Even now, I still don't call girls just to chat as I am always worried of not being able to maintain a decent conversation. (If I refuse to pick up your call or insist on chatting over msn, this is why.) I feel more confident when I can plan/edit whatever I want to say before sending it to the other person. Maybe I should call paw1 every night to train this skill >.<

The next important experience/life skill that I am picking up here is to live independently and to be responsible for decisions which I make. In Singapore, I used to live a very sheltered life and I was always too lazy to carefully consider all my possible options before making a decision. It was a case of which was the most convenient. When I applied for my universities, I wrote all my essays on the last night before it was due. When I applied for my scholarship, I only applied to DSTA, and the main reason was because it was the simplest to apply for. No essay. These decisions I deeply regret today. I used to be too lazy to find out things for myself and had this inertia towards work. I did not even know what colleges were good for economics and physics and only applied for U of C because my army mate told me he applied there coz it was good for economics. I went for an olympiad because my brother went for one. I studied actuary in army because my brother did it. I took 3 S papers because it was the in thing to do in my year. I never took responsibility for my decisions, nor did I have to pay their consequences.

It is so different here. Right smack day 1, you are faced with the decision of what courses to take. Do you take an easy course for that valuable A(GPAGPAGPA), or a difficult course to challenge yourself? Do you want to stress yourself out and take 2 humanities based subjects or just 1? If you want something done, you actually have to pro-actively do it. The next important decision I probably have to make is do I want to move out? How much is the opportunity cost of the convenience of staying in dorm? If I move out, who do I want to stay with?(probably paw2 and paw3 and tail1). I believe that as I make more and more decisions each day, I learn to be more and more decisive and face the consequences/rewards of my decisions. This lifeskill, I believe, I will never get in Singapore.

People say that army is what separates boys from men. I believe University life will be able to provide me with a side of life which I never had in my education in Singapore. The side, which I believe is so much more important than academic knowledge. I was not angry with the person who said that I was nothing more than academic because I knew, in part, it was probably true. I hope one day, I can look at the person who said 'You are nothing but academia', and tell her, I have grown.

A Dedication to Lee Ruichen

After this long absence from blogging, I have once again been induced to write something. Watching Ally McBeal for some reason sucks all inspiration out of me to write anything. I'm not sure why. Maybe she makes me think too much about myself and my life, not that she has inspired me to do anything much about it =P. Probably it's like all that I could say about it has been said in the show. Hmm...

So back to the topic of this post, yes, Lee Ruichen, this post, being for you and about you, is dedicated to you. If you take a look in the tagboard on the right, she is the one who came to this page asking who the owner of the blog is, and asking me to buy seaweed for her. She is the youngest kid I give tuition to, and is the 3rd of 4 sisters. And the most challenging to teach of the lot.

Ruichen turned 10 recently, and has been bugging me for a birthday present since before that until now. She obviously doesn't consider me cancelling tution on her birthday a present (damn! =P), and I don't think a post dedicated all to her will do. (But I try, nevertheless.) I lent her 2 Narnia books to read and told her that I would give her the present when she finishes at least one of them. As yet, both her elder sisters have finished both books, but she hasn't completed either. She wanted to get her ears pierced for her birthday, but her mother didn't allow her to. I offered to get her dangly earrings and scotchtape as a present so she could tape them to her ears and look pretty, and she screamed at me. When her 2nd sister told me that she liked seafood, I offered to give her a $50 seafood voucher, and she screamed at me again. So I told her that her sister said she liked seafood, and she screamed at her sister.

If any of you didn't grow up with sisters, or have forgotten how piercing a little girl's (or possibly your own) screams can be, picture, hmm, some kind of slaughter scene (pigs maybe?), and add approximately 20 decibels to that. Ruichen is louder than all of her sisters combined. Even the one in kindergarten. She has freaked out one of my bridge partners who called me during one of my tuitions and got her on the phone instead, simply because she screamed at him. Yes, she stunned someone who kept insisting that little kids are cute. Into utter silence. Well. Maybe he DID have something to say to her, but she promptly screamed more and hung up on him. (Well done, Ruichen! =D)

Ruichen knows of the existence of Ernie, and keeps trying to get to see Ernie and talk to her. Actually, she HAS seen Ernie before (because all of them wanted to heehee), and has talked to her before, but her curiosity hasn't been satisfied yet. I suspect Ruichen wants me to bring Ernie to tuition because I told her Ernie used to do my Maths homework for me, and she wants Ernie to do hers for her too. Last Sunday, as an answer to some Science question, she wrote 'Heat and Ernie caused the ice to melt.' Yes, she spelt Ernie with a capital E. Ernie approves =P.

I also believe Ruichen was the one who said that slugs like dark places because they are allergic to the sun. When I marked her wrong, she pored over the question, and decided that they stayed out of the sun because they didn't want to get skin cancer. I really have no idea why, considering this was a multiple choice question. Maybe she was just thinking outside the box, like they are emphazing we do nowadays. She is definitely intelligent, being able to draw 3D shapes (the Mathematical kind) that some of my JC students had trouble with.

And yes, she is the most troublesome student I have, because I have yet to find a way to tap into that massive amount of intellect she is hiding. I know I can't expect a primary 4 kid to sit down and do work quietly for more than 1 hour, but she is capable of PMSing (without even being mature enough to) at irregular intervals for no reason at all (ok fine, PMS is a reason in itself, but she can't possibly be suffering from that >.<).

All that said, she's actually been the most cooperative of the 3 sisters I give tuition to, in that she actually raised the grades I put down as an expectation for her final results (no, I didn't underestimate her, I just forgot that band 1 was 85, not 80), instead of insisting that it is impossible to get A for Maths, or that aiming for a 265 PSLE score was out of the question. At least she understands that goals are something you have yet to attain, and can work towards attaining =).

And starting from the next tuition, Ruichen is going to have the session alone, instead of with her 2nd sister, who will have been done with her PSLE. Ruichen, is this why you spilled Ribena all over her room and her last week? I'm sure she won't tease you too much about having tuition when she doesn't have to *gigglez*.

Ernie: Hello Ruichen!

Oh well heehee. Shall end of here saying the things I always say before leaving your house. Read the book! (Oh and please find your Science textbook too!)

P.S. There has been a request for your photo to be put up so that people can see how cute you are. Ok. Possibly only that ONE person wants to know how adorable you look. Ehhhh... wait... I think I can just show him that picture in my phone lalalala...

Overseas Education

In Singapore, I have always wondered whether I should spend half a million on a university education overseas, or simply go to NUS at a small fraction of that price.
What distinguishes an overseas education from a local education for it to be worth that much?

In terms of academic knowledge acquired, there is almost no difference. If you go university seeking just to acquire textbook knowledge, than there is certainly nothing wrong with going to NUS. The academic rigour at NUS can definitely match the top universities in the world.

Why than, do so many Singaporeans ran to US/UK to study? Even more interesting, why do firms offer scholarships for Singaporeans to study in US/UK at a cost of half a million dollars when they could easily recruit NUS graduates or overseas graduates without paying out half a million dollars? Simply put, all firms seek to maximise profits, and they feel that the half a million dollars invested in human capital will more than make up for itself in the 6 years you are bonded to the company. [In other words, you are worth $8000 more a month to the company having an overseas education =X]. Either that or they're using taxpayers money and simply don't care. {I wish to believe the former but I suspect the later is true for a lot of scholarship boards}

I do not yet know the answer. But I do hope that I will grow to learn that answer.

Economics

I have just came back from an economics lecture held in the middle of the night (thankfully a 1 off thing).

Now, my economics lecturer is a really funny lecturer and he is definitely the best of all my lecturers (which is also why I decided to drop stats to go to his classes). Now I kinda understand why Chicago is famous for economics, but not so much for the rest. My math lecturers love mumbling to themselves, while the economics teachers I have here are fabulous. Taking both Econs 199(Macroeconomics) and Econs 200(Economic analysis) this quarter, I can say that I've enjoyed every single economics lesson so far.

For example, he was talking about how dunno which state imposed a law to make seat belts compulsory. In the end, the casualty probability dropped, but the accident rate increased, with more people dying in accidents as a result. Apparently the accident rate increased because people with seat belts drove more recklessly (much like how after buy laptop theft insurance people tend to care less about safeguarding their laptops).
Anyway, he related a story where he was invited to Penn as a guest speaker. At the airport, he was met by an economics major from Penn who escorted him, and when they reached her car, she reminded him to fasten his seat belt. To which, he replied
'Why do you want me to put on my seat belt'
'I would you like you to be safe'
And finally he said, well, than I hope you can take off your seat belt. The situation where the driver unfastens the seat belt, and he fastens his, is in fact, the safest for him!

Opportunity cost refers to the cost of the most expensive of alternatives. So in making decisions, people tend to do something if it's opportunity cost is less than the utility(happiness) gained from doing it. Eg. Suppose you are on a date, and your date is driving you home. Do you sit in the front seat or the back seat? The back seat being more dangerous. Well, that depends on what you value. Some people do not mind being labelled as social freaks or having their first date become their last date, and get more utility from the comfort in knowing that there is a lower probability to die in the event of an accident by sitting in the back seat. Most others, however, would choose to sit in the front seat.

Or when a person says "I love you", it could actually mean "Well, I am tired of looking for others and you're ok and the amount of extra effort(marginal cost) I would spend to scout around more is not worth the extra amount of happiness I could gain (marginal benefit)"

Anyway, I'll end off with something to someone:

I'm tired of being
Like a Chinese in Malaysia
The opportunity cost has risen
The marginal cost has exceeded the marginal utility
And I only wish I could forget you


Gideon