God, Love and the HIV-positive

Dear Dr Snodgrass,

I thank you for your informative lecture on Natural Family Planning which you gave today during the Marriage Preparation Course. It has certainly been a great help for me, especially in confirming the fact that Natural Family Planning is indeed different from the Rhythm Method which is still taught in many secondary schools in Singapore as part of the Lower Secondary Science Curriculum.

I would, however, like to contest a point which you made in response to the question of whether it is ethically correct for a couple in which one member is HIV-positive to use a condom during sexual intercourse in the interests of reducing the risk of spread of the disease to the other party. Earlier during the course, Fr David Garcia had mentioned that the non-contraceptive use of a contraceptive was morally acceptable, which would probably mean that the Catholic Church would allow said couple to use a condom during sexual intercourse. However, you tactfully pointed out that since patients with AIDS do not live long, it is extremely likely that they would also be using the condom to prevent conception as they do not want their children to grow up without parents; hence, the use of condoms in such situations would not be ethically correct.

I would like to say that IF the couple wishes not to have children because they are afraid that they will not be around to care for them, I believe that this is RESPONSIBLE PLANNING on their part. This is especially so, given that dead people are rather incapable of bringing up their offspring. However, I doubt this is the main reason the couple would wish not to have children - my guess is that they simply do not wish an innocent child to be born HIV-positive. Many in the world do not believe that a child should be made to bear his/her parents' burden. I am not sure if this line of reasoning is acceptable to the Catholic Church, and I would not presume that it is, in the same way that I do not assume that one of the reasons the couple wants to use a condom for contraceptive purposes.

I will now take the chance to laud the HIV-negative partner in the couple for his/her bravery and unwavering love for his/her partner. Not only has this person decided to devote his/her life to a person who is likely to pass on before him/her through the Sacrament of Matrimony, he/she has willingly and knowingly signed a contract to take care of an ailing person through the last stages of full-blow AIDS ("in sickness and in health") and even wants to show his/her unconditional love for his/her partner by risking the contraction of the terminal disease, the barrier method not being 100% effective at preventing the spread of HIV. In this day of increasing divorce rates, pre-nuptial agreements and promiscuity, such acts of true love are few and far between. Do we then punish the "innocent" member of the partnership due to a prior mistake on the part of his/her partner?

Here again, I may have committed the sin of assumption: it is possible that the HIV-positive partner had contracted the disease through non-sexual means, such as through a needle prick, or from his/her previous partner through a previous marriage which had been terminated due to the death of the other party. Even if the HIV-positive member of the couple had contracted the disease through his/her weakness, the Catholic Church preaches the forgiveness of sins. Society in general is an unforgiving one; HIV-positive people are generally shunned and treated as outcasts. If, in their darkness and gloom, they were to find a ray of hope in the form of someone special who is willing to love them for who they are, should they not be given the chance to fully appreciate this love?

Finally, I would like to say that it is only natural for a person to care about his/her spouse. There are many people who nag constantly at their spouse who work in high-risk jobs, such as in the police force and in the army, to find safer employment because they worry so much when their spouses go to work. Is this any different from a HIV-positive partner not wishing to infect his/her spouse with this fatal disease? Perhaps the HIV-negative spouse wishes to show his/her total devotion to the other partner by choosing not to use any barrier method to reduce the risk of contracting HIV. Should the HIV-positive spouse then allow his/her partner to do so? How would he/she feel every time his/her partner went to test if he/she were HIV-positive? And more pertinent would be the question of whether it is ethical for him/her to subject the person who loves him/her so unconditionally to such the physical and emotional burden of contracting the disease.

Given that this is the 21st century and that times, and the Catholic Church, have changed greatly, I hope that you can be more open-minded and make an attempt to see what people are trying to say from their point of view. I understand from your lecture style that your likely response, if any, would be that if one is too open-minded, one's brain is likely to drop out. To this, I shall say that my brain likes to run all around the world, to see things and get its share of exercise. It knows where its home is though, and at the end of the day it will return home to reflect on the knowledge it has gathered. I think my brain prefers this to being stifled with no oxygen for respiration in a shut off mind.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,

Sophia Shelly Chew (Mrs)